Dear Friends,

My heart has been bothered by some negativity and I feel the need to express what’s been placed on my heart….I will be as eloquent as possible:

Doreen Virtue is being a dick.

My Youtube Video about the situation is HERE

For real.

Her A-Z List of New Age Practices is rooted in fear and stupidity and I am going to give you all the REAL list of things to avoid. So buckle up, bitches.

A- Assholes who tell you to believe what they believe or you are going to burn forever in Hell. False. People who do this are very insecure in their belief system and are looking for others to join them so that they feel validated. There is also a sense of superiority among these people because they feel like they are “in on a secret”…they are not.

B- Bullies. The one thing that REALLY pissed me off was that Doreen made a facebook group for people to join called “New Agers converting to Christianity” or some bullshit like that. Just because you liked Doreen in the past DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM BECAUSE SHE DID! People that use their influence to guilt others and bully them into changing their belief systems are assholes, and we already established we avoid those.

C- Christians. Now, not all of them. I know some Christians who use oracle cards, chant kundalini mantras, and love goddess, and they are AMAZING! What I mean here is don’t go out of your way to have a conversation with a christian about your beliefs, because you will inevitably be talked to about how you should join the dark side because they have the “blood of Jesus” (ie Grapejuice, which was very anticlimactic for me).

D- Doreen Virtue. Enough said. That crazy train derailed and blew up with no survivors.

E- Energy draining bullshit. A lot of us have the ability to let this just be like water off a duck’s back. We can make fun of it, and say it’s bullshit. However, if it’s hard for you to watch or listen to, walk away from it. Everyone handles things in different ways and it’s okay to keep your distance.

F- Fear and Fuckery. Your path is yours and it works for YOU. Don’t let one person strike fear in you. You aren’t possessed, or oppressed, by demons. If you love Unicorns, and throw Oracle Cards, then do it and do it well. Be YOU. Don’t listen to the bullshit, OR THE BULLIES.

G- God. The Christian one. You know, the one who gets petty and sends people to hell for stupid shit. That one. Yeah, we don’t like that.

G- Giving ANY Fucks. At all. About anything.

H- Hell. Should be easy because it doesn’t exist.

I- Idiots who think they are right. If your biggest source of information comes from a piece of channeled writing that GIVES ITSELF the qualifications of being “the word of God”, then you are basically reading a book by Donald Trump, because he is the only one who still thinks he’s qualified to do anything.

J- Jesus. But not the cool Jesus. I love Jesus, he is amazing to work with. This is the Jesus who, once again, will send you to Hell (ie Narnia) if you don’t accept a ‘gift’ of salvation (ie becoming a fucking asshole) you didn’t ask for.

K- “Kingdom Comer’s”. You know, the people who say Jesus is coming back every Blood Moon…or Thursday. Jesus is not trying to come to this ratchet planet in the flesh, so disregard that rumor. 

L- "Lightworkers” who do nothing to help anyone. Oof, bet you didn’t see this one coming. If you say you are a Lightworker, do the work and don’t be a fucking asshat who uses the word to inflate their fragile ego.

M- Mansplainers, with (White) Christian men leading the pack. Who better to tell you what to do better than a man who reads the Bible? Who better to tell you what to do with your vagina than someone who doesn’t have one? I know right, groundbreaking shit.

M- Money. Specifically, religions that guilt you into giving money you don’t have to please a God who apparently owns the Universe. Fuck that shit.

N- Not checking facts or resources. Come on, if you are going to give us a whole fucking dissertation about how bad things are, use more than the Bible and a stupid fucking website you copy and pasted from.

O- Overzealous Christians. “Yes, Pamela, I see that you have a cross tattoo on your wrist, have “Live, Laugh, Love” in your living room, and constantly use #blessed on your pictures of Chick-Fil-A. Give it a fucking rest, we don’t care.”

P- Proselytism- No one wants your beliefs. If they did, they would ask you about it. Don’t let people try to convert you, say “fuck you” and continue riding the unicorn or whatever you like to ride. No judgements.

Q- I don’t fucking know. Quesadilla’s that aren’t from MOE’S Southwest Grill or a Food Truck…you’re welcome. 

Q- Quoting the Bible for EVERYTHING:

“How is your sister, Tom?”

“In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth”...it’s random and pretentious and no one gives a fuck.

R- Reading Comments on Doreen’s posts. You will lose brain cells. Once again, you’re welcome.

S- Selling your soul to the Neon and Pastel colored Devil. If you are going to do it, the Glitter Devil gives you more bang for your buck, and French Fries!

T- Teachers who use their influence to guilt you into believing what they believe. This is cult mentality and very dangerous. Nothing good can, or will, come from this so PLEASE be careful and realize YOU are the best teacher you could ever have.

U- Understanding where the other person is coming from. This is bullshit. If someone is preaching and spouting toxic bullshit, don’t try to understand their wounded fucking childhood. Get away from them and rub some smoky quartz (or throw it at them, I don’t care).

V- Victim mentality. If you feel attacked, step back and look at it. Find the lesson in it, and move on. Don’t stay in that mindset because you are better than that.

W- Wet Socks. Literally the worst. Thing. Ever.

X- Xenophobes. Fucking Asshats. Donald Trump. It’s all the same. 

Y- Yellow food, unless it’s skittles or M&M’s. Bananas suck and smell HORRIBLE.

Z- Zephaniah. Don’t name your fucking kid this. Or your pet. It’s stupid.

Now, some of this list was 100% Satire. But some of it is also really real. 

Doreen Virtue helped a lot of people, myself included, become comfortable with our gifts and confident enough to share them with the world. 

I honor her for that purpose, and it’s not ever her I’m honoring, it’s the fact that, for a period of time, she allowed herself to be a vessel to help others. I would not be where I am today without her and Radleigh Valentine, who I fucking love beyond words.

If this is hard for you, I get it. She was like a spiritual mother to me and I took it HARD. But it will be okay! She is doing her own crazy train thing and that doesn’t mean you have to. Don’t follow her on any social media, and unsubscribe from her email list. That’s what I had to do, and it’s okay!

Your peace of mind is important. Protect that.

Also, fuck that goddamn copy and paste hack job of a fucking list she made.

If you need me, I’ll be on my glittery unicorn, reading harry potter, and practicing my affirmations while being VERY mindful of all the bullshit this stirred up, but if you would like a reading, I got you!


Love and Light,

Andrew